worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
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