You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Randomize
