Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
