Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
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