We named our party play list daddy issues
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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