my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
