My sheets look like a crime scene.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Randomize
