You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Randomize
