I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
