thus making me awesome and them whores
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Randomize
