You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
