Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I can't turn off my feet"
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Randomize
