You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
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