so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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