Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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