Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
It's just like the Real World with babies
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
