It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
