I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
