Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
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