so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
nutella sex= disaster
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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