This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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