Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
