Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
