why didn't you poke me back
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Two words: nipple clamps
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