I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
