I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
