Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
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