i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
