i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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