my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
being pregnant is like rehab
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
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