You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
