oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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