paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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