Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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