I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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