When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
