I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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