people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
