i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
