Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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