so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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