this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
