I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
