just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
my liver is dry heaving
Randomize
