Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Randomize
