Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
