I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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