Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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