Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
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