whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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