just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
