How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
